I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.
Please do let those words sink in. To me, in this moment, they have one absolute meaning: I am aspiring to a journey whose demands exceed even my wildest overestimations of my current self.
In time, with the power of retrospect, those words will inevitably take on a different meaning. It is not outside the realm of possibilities that–upon disastrous events–they will resonate a foolhardy brashness that invites judgment of culpability for whatever ill befalls me. Alternatively (and may I say, hopefully), they will stand as reminder that as one moves through life and so quickly acclimates to new realities, do not forget: progress has indeed been made! It is certainly a part of my own nature to discount past achievements, focused already on future goals. Personal growth so slowly earned yet immediately taken for granted.
So. For now, let those words mean exactly what they do. They are seeds I am planting that will sprout with time and whose trajectory will be decided–fortunately for me–by effort. Let them not stand as an admission of negligence on my part, but rather an acknowledgement of trepidation, of inspiration, and of the entire reason I’m pursuing this nebulous endeavor.
I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but I will.
Unless, of course, I won’t. Then I’m totally screwed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯